I am crying, I fear what my love will say when I text her how I am feeling. This isn't what I expected when I found the woman I wanted and would be able to marry. I feel so useless, I can't hold her, I can't see her, I can't visit her. People I trust, my friends, my father, are telling me that it won't work out, that she doesn't love me, and it's all coming down on me and me alone. I can't hold her thru these tears, I can't hold her thru this pain, I feel so alone and useless, I want my perfect bride Kim, I want my precious daughter Lucy, and I want myself, Jeremiah, to finally be at peace.

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I hope I find the meaning in my suffering, because I feel I won't survive without her.